Kent Beausoleil, S.J.

Homily – Fourth Sunday of Easter – April 13, 2008

Readings: Acts 2:14a, 36-41; First Letter of Peter 2:20-25; Gospel of John 10:1-10

Quite often it is hard to trust in the real presence of love. Now I think I have spoken of my father before. He was a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy and his strong presence at times barked out orders, found fault, and was slow to offer any affirmation. My mother, a meek women, kind and gentle, was not able to counteract my father's demeaning presence. And although there was love between my parents, myself and my brothers and sisters, I as a result, believe it or not, turned into a shy, awkward boy who did not trust his own worth and esteem. These messages thwarted and frustrated me in high school and college as I started to date. Yet, after many attempts at dating, after I left college, I found someone I thought to be "the one". I felt ready to be in a serious relationship for I had during college worked through these issues of self-love, self-care, and self esteem. I was, or so I thought, in a good space mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Yet, for some reason, I could not trust that I was lovable and I ended up doing stuff for this woman whom I cared for in order to prove that I was lovable. I bought gifts. I often made her dinner. I fixed her car. I repaired and refinished the porch. I mowed the lawn. I was so enamored that I wanted to display this love as some sort of trophy to the world. Look, see someone love's me! I thought our relationship was going well, that we shared love mutually, and that we were where we needed to be. That is, until that horrible, yet grace-filled night, where we fought our last fight.

She was on edge all day, and clueless as I was, I again tried to 'fix' things. Over a dinner that I fixed for her, she looked me square in the eye, and after professing my love for her, she slapped my face with these stinging words. "Love? You don't even know what that word means." I then went into a tirade reciting the laundry list of things that I did for her out of love and my desire for her to be happy. Her response to me was that "women don't fall in love with happy. I can be happy on my own thank you very much. Further being a mister fix-it is not true love when you do those things to earn my love."

She continued, "All I wanted was for you to love me as I was. Yet even after a year of our being together, you really don't even know who I am. Instead of loving me, you gave me things. You never took the time to trust that my love for you was right here under your nose." Hurt, I stormed out of the house, and stormed through the gate, not realizing at that time the profound impact her stinging words would have in my life. The next day she ended our relationship and I was left alone bruised, bewildered and humbled.

In trying to fix the relationship, in trying to rescue it, I lost sight of the fact that love was truly present all along and that there was nothing to fix. If I had faith in that love, if I would have cherished and been grateful for it rather than trying to exert my will over it, then quite possibly that relationship could have been saved. The grace of her slap was, that it awoke in me the reality of love's true presence, that had always existed within this relationship now ended. Yet, that slap also awoke in me, to the deeper reality, that love, true love, does indeed exist. The journey of love discovery her words put me on has led me from that fate-filled moment, all the way to the seminary, and onward as a pilgrim exploring the depth and the heart of the mystery that is the real presence of love in Jesus Christ.

The readings today call us to realize the reality of God's steadfast love in Christ Jesus, to reflect on the truth of that love, and to trust in the saving power of God's love and grace.

Peter, in Acts, slaps us, just as my girlfriend slapped me so many years ago, and offers challenge. He admonishes all of Israel, and so admonishes us, with words that sting, words that cut to the heart. He calls to the Israelites, those who did not believe in Jesus as the Lord of love, calls to those who have rejected love, calls to those who have crucified love, to repent. Peter calls all of us to turn our hearts and minds away from hatred, away from this crooked generation and God-hating people, and turn toward love. Instead of turning our backs on love, instead of crucifying love, Peter challenges us to open our hearts and minds to the reality of God's love as revealed and as promised in Jesus Christ. The true hope and the good news is that Christ offers and continually offers the promise of love.

Jesus, in the Gospel of John, is even more direct and hopeful. Jesus is truly love, has always been love, reveals love, and continually holds open the gate of love. All we need to do is walk through the gate. Instead of storming the gate, instead of doing everything in our power to avoid Jesus, Jesus is there saying I offer no barriers to love. "Whoever enters through me will be saved, (will be one with me, one with love) and they will be free to come in and go out and find pasture (to find love)." The real truth is that Jesus removes all barriers to love. And so, the true hope and the good news Christ offers is not only the promise of love – but the way to love.

Life presents to us in its daily routine and dryness, in its many hardships, in the presence of hatred, the false notion that love does not exist. We frequently don't trust that we're lovable or that God is present in moments of extreme loss or pain. We make choices that lead us subtly, little by little, away from what God wants for us. Instead of trusting in the Lord's goodness and relying on the Holy Spirit we believe otherwise. We are also presented frequently with a myriad of images that present a world unwilling to trust in God's love. We are exposed to the reality of addiction, of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, of lost relationships and of painful death. We read in our newspapers and magazines stories filled with anything but love. The world is indeed, at times, a hard land of exile, a place of oppression, affliction, and injustice.

The good news is however, despite it all, God continually reaches out to us in love. This deeper reality, the one that we ground our faith in, is the achingly beautiful moments of the real presence of God's love. God's love is present in the life we are given, the friends that we meet, the beauty of nature, the families we create, the faith that we share with one another in community and worship – a life filled and steeped in love. In Jesus, we have a love so pure, a love everlasting, a love that committed no sin, a love that contained no guile, a love that bore our sins on a tree so that we might die to sin and hatred and live in love and mercy.

And so during this Easter season, God calls us to repent to turn our hearts and our belief to the truth of God's everlasting love for creation as revealed in Jesus Christ. As we allow the words of God to slap us once again to the reality of Jesus' undying and resurrected love for us, we need to stop and to reflect with gratitude the many ways God has broken through to our hearts in love. God asks us, challenges us, as people of faith, to believe and to trust in that all-embracing love in confidence for it's this love, that will lead us on our own journey of faith, to the clear promise of heaven.

Peace,