Gary Brandstetter Eulogy

February 13, 2010

On behalf of the Brandstetter family and Bellarmine Chapel, welcome….welcome to this celebration of Gary’s life.

 I am a staff member here at Bellarmine and have known Gary and Karen professionally and personally for over 15 years. During this time I have been able to watch Marisa and Will grow into the wonderful young adults they are today.  Over these past few months, I have had the opportunity to spend many hours with Gary, visiting, talking, of course watching Xavier basketball;  maybe more importantly just  listening or sitting in silence together.  I have been asked to share with you some aspects of his life and legacy, so I will begin.

 Gary served in active parish ministry, also as Director of the Youth Office for the diocese and as Director of United Cerebral Palsy.  Many stories were shared last night about his commitment to each of those positions and his dedication to those he served and the advancement of those programs through his tireless efforts.

Some of my initial meetings with Gary were around his work, asphalt paving, for the parking lot where I was working.   It was evident from the start that Gary had a work ethic like few others I have known.  Along with his Uncle Ed and their employees, Gary worked long hours of physical labor to complete a job in the most satisfactory manner, always striving to do the very best work for every customer. Gary’s work day began before the sun came up and continued with paperwork, often until bedtime.  Sometimes you would have thought that there was blacktop running through his and his uncle’s veins the way he would always be thinking about work….driving his family past the latest job that the company had completed and craning his neck while driving to check out any equipment, out anywhere, keeping an eye on the competition!  He worked hard, continuing his work even while taking chemo and radiation therapy for 8 years…. until his tumor growth became too much, demanding multiple forms of treatment simultaneously.  

A few weekends ago, Sean & Leah Reynolds brought dinner to the Brandstetter’s and stayed to help out and share the meal.  Sean mentioned to Karen afterward that being there felt like “being in the middle of a big hug!”  And maybe that is the best way to describe what it has been like to spend time with Gary and his family over these years.  Gary has always had a very congenial spirit; welcoming everyone around him and making folks feel very much at ease when with him.  Gary loved to meet new people and make friends and was always willing to initiate any gathering or time spent together.

 All of this has been very evident in his relationships with his caregivers as he has needed to spend time in many of our local health care facilities and hospice.  No matter where he was, or how sick he was, he was always genuinely interested in the workers and grateful for their care.  The nurses and aides were often commenting on Gary’s great sense of humor….. he was always ready to share a laugh!  His sense of humor was there to the end……Karen has told us that his last loving words to her were, “I have to pee”!  I guess he knew she would take care of it for him.

Gary’s family……It is impossible to talk about Gary and not think about his family…both his family of origin, parents and sisters were so important to him and he was grateful to be able to work with his dad and uncle.  He loved his sisters Jeanne and Mickey and their families….always happy to hear their voices and see them when they visited, his face lighting up.  He loved to hear stories of his nieces and nephews growing up. Gary loved his extended family, his many cousins…enjoying  playing with them, going to school, celebrating holidays.  Gary loved family history, both in the hearing and telling. Took pride in who he was, where he came from, and wanted to pass that on to the next generation.

 Most important was nuclear family, couldn’t have been more proud. He was the kind of dad who would take the crying baby.  He stayed home and took care of Marissa during first two months of her life. Anything Will and Marissa were involved in he was there. He was a teacher with the kids. Whenever he took on a project, he tried to have them there with him. He was a doer.

 Will and Marissa, you are the reason Gary doubled his life expectancy . When the original diagnosis was given they said…maybe five years. But Gary wanted to see you graduate from HS and college. He wanted to see you become steadfast givers that you are.

Gary had a very big heart…..Gary was ready and willing to become the father Charles never had. Charles was well fed, safe, secure and happy…..and is now given the chance to advance as much as he could possibly advance…all because of Gary, and Karen, and Will, and Marissa….. Gary took such great delight in taking Charles to Universal studios to see Barney the Dinosaur, Charles’ favorite.

After the diagnosis was a brain tumor, his courage never wavered. He had a positive outlook no matter what. Gary’s personal determination to do the best he could never wavered. ….He never left the doctors office, no matter what he was told, without finding some sort of encouragement…..even if it was just knowing that he was as always in the best hands. If Gary and Karen heard of about a new patient with a brain tumor diagnosis, they were always willing to talk, telling what helped and what didn’t help, for them or their families, conventional or alternative medicine. Gary was sort of his own little wellness community.

Gary’s belief in God through all of this never wavered. He certainly suffered, but did not complain. He was always happy to see whoever came to see him. He never stopped smiling, until those last few days when he unresponsive.

Many times we hear during a eulogy that a person’s life was well lived. That is certainly true in this case, but a more apt description is that Gary’s life was well loved. You might not believe in love at first sight. But Karen says that love at first sight does exit. In Karen and Gary’s case, it was an invitation from God that could not be ignored… …what came forth from accepting that invitation is amazing.  Will, Marissa, Charles you have completed that invitation.

Whatever difficulty came his way……poor vision, not driving, not working…..Gary never gave up on his faith, family, friends, or himself. Even when he realized there was no comeback, he was at peace…..he was ready to go….he told Brennan Hill last week that through his whole life he had done his best…..what better way to meet God, knowing you have done your best.

Many people last night said that Gary was a great man. What a simple, yet powerful way to remember a life well loved.

As I was leaving the visitation last night, I started thinking about what I would miss most about Gary. Would it be that wonderful big hand and handshake?.....or maybe that beautiful smile???  Or maybe the stories and jokes he was always willing to share??? But then I remembered that a very wise person once suggested to me that maybe sometimes we need to reframe our questions or statements… So I began to ask myself what I appreciated most about Gary.  Of course the answer is the same…..the handshake, the smile, the stories, plus so much more.

Let’s take a few moments in silence, and think about what each of us appreciates most about Gary, what gift was Gary to us.

One minute of silence.

As folks were leaving the visitation last night I heard Karen say over and over again…please come back tomorrow and pray with us. You have done just that, so let us pray………..

Delivered by Jim Crosby

February 13, 2010

These words are mostly from the Brandstetter family. It was an honor to rearrange a few of them, add some of my own, and then deliver them to the Bellarmine Community and the Brandstetter family.